Post ALMOST anything you want thread

Since we got 3 pages about weather.I challenge all of you to post whatever you want to see how many pages we can squeeze out of it.

 

We can't have Stefan sluffing off, now can we?

 

Well here's the topic that'll cool your jets. The guys on the HAMB have a solid truth thread on 'married guys vent thread...' Wives and Car time. Oh! Oh! :banghead3: Talk about knee deep in sh!t!

Even us semi-retired guys get some respect (sort of).

http://www.jalopyjournal.com/forum/showthread.php?p=2599125#post2599125

 

asd

lol

 

Thought you'd like that. No chocolate bunny?

 

Chili Cook Off

"Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judges' table asking for directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges, both native Texans, that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me that I could have free beer during the tasting. So, I accepted."

Here are the scorecards from the event.

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CHILI #1: MIKE'S MANIAC MOBSTER MONSTER CHILI

JUDGE ONE: "A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick."

JUDGE TWO: "Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild."

FRANK: "Holy ****, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. It took me two beers to put out the flames in my throat. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy!"

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CHILI #2: ARTHUR'S AFTERBURNER CHILI

JUDGE ONE: "Smokey, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang."

JUDGE TWO: "Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously."

FRANK: "Keep this out of the reach of children! I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush me more beer when they saw the look on my face."

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CHILI #3: FRED'S FAMOUS BURN-DOWN-THE-BARN CHILI

JUDGE ONE: "Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans, though."

JUDGE TWO: "A bean less chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers."

FRANK: "Call the EPA! I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now -- get me more beer before I ignite. Some barmaid pounded me on the back and now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting ****-faced from all the beer."

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CHILI #4: BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC

JUDGE ONE: "Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing."

JUDGE TWO: "Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili."

FRANK: "I felt something scraping across my tongue, but I was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-lb ***** is starting to look HOT -- just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. Is chili an aphrodisiac?"

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CHILI #5: LINDA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

JUDGE ONE: "Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, add a considerable kick. Very impressive!"

JUDGE TWO: "Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement."

FRANK: "My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead, and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. I wonder if I am burning my lips off? It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks!"

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CHILI #6: VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

JUDGE ONE: "Thin, yet bold, vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers."

JUDGE TWO: "The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb!"

FRANK: "My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I **** myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except Sally. I can't feel my lips at all anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone!"

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CHILI #7: SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

JUDGE ONE: "A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers."

JUDGE TWO: "Ho hum, it tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about judge number three, he appears to be in a bit of distress as he is now cursing uncontrollably."

FRANK: "You could put a grenade in my mouth and pull the pin and I wouldn't feel a damned thing. I've completely lost the sight in one eye and the world sounds like it's made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili that slid unnoticed by me from my mouth where my lips used to be. My pants are full of lava-like **** that match my damned shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck in through the four inch hole in my stomach. If they want to cremate me after I die, they'll need an act of Congress to waive the EPA rules and to compensate everyone six counties downwind. Maybe they can bury me in an atomic bomb test site in Nevada."
__________________

 

Here is a ride I had to get rid of due to cash problems. It was a fun car for the year we had it..... 2006 Dodge Daytona....and yep, she had a HEMI

 

Sweet where was the pictures taken?

 

Tampa FL. We took a 3 week road trip with the car. The ones with the General Lee was local in Illinois.

 

Hurts, but better times ahead. Been there, done that.

I still like the older one, though. Poor materials but had style! And meaner than a junkyard dog even with the 383 wedge. The 426 HEMI should have come with a year's supply of adult diapers!

I was a 'Lotboy' in a MOPAR dealership when I was in highschool, when these beasts came out. A couple of guys came all the way from Montreal to near Toronto to buy the one we had, NEW.

One 50'ish Lawyer was debating between an Imperial or the R/T Hemi. He came several times and the salesrep was too scared to demo it, so he asked the Head Mechanic to take the guy for a spin. It was near the end of the day, so the shop was almost empty. It was a long shop, about 300 feet. Doors at each end. He got the guy in the car (4 on the floor, HEMI), warmed it up, showed the guy all the features, from the Driver's side. He popped into first and popped a WHEELIE through the garage, cruised around to the sales showroomm, where the guy very silently went to the rep and signed for the Imperial. Not one word was said.

 

well...that took all the fun out of it!!...

but hows this thread different from the others????....

I'm not fond of tattoos but this ones funny!!

 

I can relate to that one! I just got my Sasquatch cut for the winter. I told the gal to get the hedge trimmer or the lawn mower out! She took three minutes to recover from ROTFLHAO!!!!