The Joys of Old Friends

And I don't mean age, but given we've been friends since we were young, age does factor in to it.

Hubby is doing a 57 Chevy Sedan Delivery - has been doing an incredible restoration for years and years and years and..........you get my drift. Wife is a travel buddy of my wife's, they've done a couple of overseas trips together and they are stuck like glue to each other when we go to visit them in our old home town, or they in turn come to visit.

The wife is here visiting now and I'm surprised at how much time catching up and just doing some serious visiting takes. Loving it, but sure getting behind on my projects.

The point though - my aunt called this afternoon and we were chatting quickly as the ladies were out for a walk and she mentioned that since her husband has passed and she is in her 80's all of her friends from her younger days are now gone and she feels very much alone. She lives about an hour away so getting out to see her often is tough, and her own kids are all either moved away or caught up with their own lives and trying to juggle mom in the loop.

It occurred to me - this is where those of us with our extended friendships built on forums like this one have a huge advantage. This is where friendships are built that will last a long time because they they are many and spread out over a wide age range and interests other than just wagons although that is the common thread. I'm trying to think of a forum that might be of interest to my aunt that I could get her set up on. I'll provide the computer, the training and ongoing support I know she will need, but I need to find her an online home that is safe, interests are more keyed to someone who grew up through the depression and second world war, no trolls looking to scam some old ladies, and, well, you get my drift.

Does anyone have any recommendations? It would be appreciated.

I'll tell you, come next week when our company leaves the house is going to be awful quiet again. Nice at times, lonely at others, so I can't imagine it being that way full time like my aunt is experiencing (widow for just a year after 60 years of marriage).

 

I don't have an answer for you, Saf: I wish I did. I can relate to your aunt's feelings, though.
Think about losing your every day partner after 60 years. After falling in love, getting married, having and raising children together, sharing life's trials and tribulations, growing old together and....suddenly....being alone. Totally alone. Your partner in life, the one you loved and loved you back, now gone forever. No one there anymore to turn to with the need to make important and not so important decisions. The painful realization that you are now cooking for one. Eating alone. Doing everything alone. Your back-up forever gone.
I admire your sensitivity and empathy, Saf. As people get older they all need someone like you in their life that understands and that will reach out with that helping hand. I hope you find that place that older people from her era habituate. I've not reached the 80 year mark but, even at my age, I find it more and more delightful to talk with people that shared the same time in history. People that can remember and appreciate the good and bad of those shared times gone by.
Good luck in your search, Saf. I hope you find an enjoyable and safe answer for your aunt. She, as so many older people, deserve to find a few more good times on their way to the end of the road.

 

To start, it might be worth a try to get her on Facebook just to help her stay connected to imediate family. I have "friends" on Facebook who are relatives that I haven't seen since I was a kid, and through them I have additional "friends" who are relatives I've never met.
Beyond that, besides forums that might be of interest to her, there may be some on line game she might find interesting. I have never been into computer games myself, but some of my family participate in games for the social connections. My niece in Florida met her husband ( who was in California) through some on line fantasy computer game.

 

Saf57 and silverfox, you are both reasons I enjoy this forum. I came here when a friend told me about a station wagon site where I might share information and check out other station wagons. Sounded boring!
At times I wonder why our administrator puts up with so many non wagon related posts. But to me it is all part of what station wagon lovers are all about. Difficult to explain. But a great place to visit.

I too am real close to that ladies' situation. Married way longer than I sometimes even expected to live. As we think of our future, each wonders how we will survive without the other. I don't want to go first. My wife needs me more now than ever. Yet I have no idea how I'd survive alone. She's literally been with me all my life, except for when mommy took care of me.
Of course, she will live with my oldest son and his wife in Illinois. But she won't be happy alone in the country. Even here, she misses walking to shops and visiting friends. But I'm here to agrivate her for now.
As for me, I have this computer, which I seem to live on more each day. As Saf says, there are sites to keep me and others occupied longer than we need each day. Of course, for me, it's this site, an old car forum, and one motorcycle site I've narrowed down to. Now and then I check a food forum.

Yet, I have no idea what to tell you about a little ole 80 year old lady and her interests. My first idea was a knitting site. But I am profiling her. Perhaps she'd be more interested in a forum about old movies and movie stars, or a porn site. We just don't know about other people and what they do love.
I'm sure whatever you decide, it will confuse her, and hopefully make her a bit happier.

 

We have a adopted Grandma who has been a friend of the family for years, she is 82. And like your Aunt Saf, she is alone and seeing more friends leave so to say. Apx 7 years ago her husband of 50+ years passed and it hit her very hard, she just had too much time on her hands and fell into depression. I don't know the hows and whats, but she joined a elderly club. Now 2 times a week they all get together in a limo bus and do day trips. It turned out that now she gets together with some of the people outside of the club, she made friends. Finding the group was the best thing that happened to her, to help get her spirits back up.

Maybe some thing like this is available in her area?

 

One of our problems is my wife does not drive. But she enjoys the AARP group and I would imagine she'd stay active here and wherever she lives. There are many other groups for seniors where they take day trips and get together for many things. Several much older aunts spend most of their time doing church activities. That's another good idea.
Plus Facebook thing for some. My wife would give my computer away. She has no use for it, as do many older people. But young guys like me enjoy the computer and internet.

 

Frankly, I like this idea better than the Internet. The Internet is full of con artists, thieves and worse. We, here at the SWF, are are extremely lucky to have found a car site with such great members. Many car sites, and other sites as well, are loaded with argumentative, accusatory and foul mouthed posts. I think it will be difficult for Saf's aunt to, first, get accustomed to the computer and then, secondly, find a forum that is a close knit family like ours is here. I would think that finding a group of people near by in the same situation would be easier, more comfortable and offer more opportunity for longer and lasting friendships on a personal level. Even if she lives in the boonies, trust me, there are many other elderly people around her that are on the same boat. You just have to find them and their groups and then get her to visit a few until she is comfortable with one or more of them. She will soon find a few people that will become her friends.

 

I agree silverfox. Unless she's already used to a computer this will never work. As far as crooks, even local churches prey on the elderly. My Aunt's church got everything her and my uncle worked for.

 

Yes, Cat...that is another whole subject and a sad and unfortunate one.

 

Thanks guys. Lots to think about here. After so many years as you noted Fox, it is hard to just pick up the pieces and start your life on your own.

We are going to get out there some time in the next week and sit down with her and ask her what she wants to try and offer some suggestions. Facebook is one, and maybe the seniors center. I also need to find out if the seniors home nearby would consider allowing her to pay her own way to go on their one day trips out and about the area touring. They may see it as a way for her to get acquainted and maybe eventually moving in?? Prospective customer in the making.

I too do not look forward to being the one left when my bride (of 44 years in a few weeks) and I hit that point in time. I tell her I'm going first since I'm older (by five months), and there is no way I can part with any of my "things" so it is going to be up to her. She says not a chance, she will be long gone first and I'll be out visiting her plot every Sunday. The race is on, so to speak. We joke about it, but we both know that eventually we too will be in that sad situation. Our friends are all our age or older for the most part so you start to look and think wow, this is going to be one lonely place eventually. We tease CS54 as his family all "suffer" from longevity and tell him he's going to be the last man standing, all alone in his rocking chair in the seniors home remembering all the rest of us short lifers and telling his fellow seniors home folks about his cars he used to have. This getting old is great in many ways, but then there is the other side of the coin.....

Will let you know how this pans out over time. It sure does get one to thinking though about our own lot in life to come.

 

Here in Florida, and I'm sure other states, they have what are called senior centers. These are not nursing homes or places to live. They are meeting places where seniors play games, eat, visit, watch movies, take trips in low cost vans, and other things.
We do not belong but many AARP members do and they seem to enjoy the activities. The two not far away even have free meals and sometimes potlucks. In fact I guess most activities are free so it helps many older people.
If I were alone that's something I'd be interested in. As a plus they teach computer classes and many other things. As mentioned I'd be concerned about dishonest people on the computer.

 

Cat - we are going to try that out with her. Go for a visit and see what it is all about. And the Royal Canadian Legion tends to be made up of the older generation so we are going to check it out as well. Not sure if either will work for her, but well worth the try. Thanks for the suggestion.

 

Here's my 2cents. I agree with most everything that was said so far. When you start brain stroming there really are alot of activites that your aunt could become involved with/in. The Legion, library and senior groups are all obvious places to start. There are walking groups that meet in malls or community centers. Someone was telling me that their mom belongs to a dinner group. A few ladies, who are used to cooking for two and now cook for one decided to forum this club where one night a week( I don't know if it's every night) they host a dinner in there home and they others come over to enjoy the meal and company. Sounds like a great idea to me. You get to cook for friends and entertain and you don't eat alone. It sounds like you have a few suggestions to bring to your aunt.
I kinda like the computer idea. Facebook can easily get her back in touch with friends and relatives and also find folks who have interests the same as hers. My mom just turned 83 and she has figured out Skype. Every morning I can hear her chatting away with her new friends. She actually just found a long lost cousin in Austrilla and they had a great visit on Skype the other day.
Well I'm sure you'll figure something out...maybe you could buy her a wagon and get her on here.

 

Thanks Fannie. All good ideas and the ladies cooking together is a good one. I'll suggest that to her, I know she has come across a few ladies where she lives that are now widows and that generation were self sufficient in the kitchen for sure.

Her in a wagon. Hmmm, lets see, 83 or so, 5 foot nothing, about 110 pounds if she has had a good breakfast - yep, she could use something like a 90's GM wagon, LT1, mags, tinted glass - oh yeah, she'd be a terror alright. Until the first traffic light when she missed the red and............