Have you smiled today...

now you know why i don't do cats. only dogs are fun to have around. cats act to much like woman.

 

I went to the parts store to get a wiper blade for my '78 Rabbit.
Seemed like a fair trade...

 

Here's something to waste about 3 minutes on.....
Automatic curtain opener......

http://www.chilloutzone.de/files/player.swf?b=10&l=197&u=ILLUMllSOOAvIF//P_LxP92A42lCHCeeWCejXnHAS/c

 

The guy that did that has WAAAYYYY too much time on his hands!

 

This one was made the night before no worries no beer was injured in the making of this video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QSU8wXDkcg

 

On a concrete floor? Lots of sweeping up after that one!

 

How To Keep A Healthy Level of Insanity:

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Insist that your e-mail address is either:
xena-warrior-princess@companyname.com
or
elvis-the-king@companyname.com

4. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

5. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair-dancing.

6. Put your rubbish bin on your desk and label it "IN."

7. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

8. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone is over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

9. In the memo field of all your cheques, write 'for sexual favors.'

10. Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."

11. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."

12. Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.

13. Dont use any punctuation

14. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

15. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

16. Specify that your drive-through order is "to eat here".

18. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

19. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is of the opposite gender.)

20. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example, "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom, in Stall 3."

21. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.

22. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

23. Call 000 and ask if 000 is for emergencies.

24. Call the psychic hotline and don't say anything.

25. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.

26. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!", "I Won!" "Third time this week!!!"

27. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the car park, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!"

28. Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, it's the voices in your head that do."

29. Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

30. Every time you see a broom, yell "Honey, your mother is here!"

 

Those are pritty good Barto. We have to do the email "keep every one in the Loop" as to where and what your doing if you leave the office while working. One of our Managers (great guy) sent his "my schedule" email to the entire office saying he will be out doing this and that for a few hours etc, I'll be avalible by black berry for emails. Not only did I reply to him but the entire staff with in just as big letters.....

WHO CARES!
Well man did it split the place up When he got back my office door opened quietly, snuck up on me and he screamed *&^%$#$ YOU TOO!..and quietly closed the door. Scared the crap out of me!

 

Thought you could use a bit of a laugh Tedy,

After Fat Tedy retired, his wife insisted that he accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, his wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday his dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.

Dear Mrs. Fat Tedy
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store..
Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Fat Tedy, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2.. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand
from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ' Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least:
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

 

LMF*&^%%$AO!!!!

 

I've done a couple of those Barto...I actually walked through a drive through once...and changed the sugar for salt by the coffee machine then went home for a couple of days when I got back everyone was blaming each other...a memo was sent out no more practical jokes, they never knew it was me ...oh yeah I live on the wild side baby




TEDY TEDY TEDY

 

Too funny! I have definitly smiled today after reading these!

 

Some great stuff, Barto!

 

Barto, those are awesome!

I like number 9. Especially when paying government fees - "For Sexual Favors".

Saf, you're always full of surprises. Tomato juice...

Fanny, we did the Sugar/Salt swap in the Army, back in the day.

 

My brother in law contact cemented his coffee cup and saucer to the counter of the local greasy spoon. It took him an hour to unglue it with the owner watching closely and after that he had to go elsewhere while the rest of us continued to eat there.