You want a job done right?

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1. Pull up to GM Dealership when the mileage reaches 3,000 miles since the last oil change.

2. Drink a cup of coffee.

3. 30 minutes later, scan debit card and leave, driving a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:

Oil Change:$40.00​

Coffee: Complementary​

TOTAL: $40.00​

Oil Change instructions for Men:

1. Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, and use your debit card for $50.00.

2. Stop by Beer Store and buy a case of beer, (debit $24), drive home.

3. Open a beer and drink it.

4. Jack truck up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7. Place drain pan under engine.

8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9. Give up and use crescent wrench.

10. Unscrew drain plug.

11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.

12. Crawl out from under truck to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

13. Have another beer while watching oil drain.

14. Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

15. Give up; crawl under truck and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.

16. Crawl out from under truck with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

17. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.

18. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

19. Remember drain plug from step 11.

20. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

21. Drink beer.

22. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.

23. Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.

24. Crawl under truck getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.

25. Begin cussing fit.

26. Throw stupid crescent wrench.

27. Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit truck and left dent.

28. Beer.

29. Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.

30. Beer.

31. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

32. Beer.

33. Lower truck from jack stands.

34. Move truck back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.

35. Beer.

36. Test drive truck.

37. Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

38. truck gets impounded.

39. Call loving wife, make bail.

40. 12 hours later, get truck from impound yard.

Money spent:

Parts: $50.00​

DUI: $2,500.00​

Impound fee: $75.00​

Bail: $1,500.00​

Beer: $20.00​

TOTAL: $4,145.00 ​

But you know the job was done right! ​

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Worth every penny of the mans way, NOBODY touches my junk, hahaha. Good one Fannie, I can relate to most of that.

 

Only $20 on beer...WTF!?

 

guess they don't drink the fancy canadian stuff i do!

 

Somebody seen me working at home???

 

Me too. All but the DUI part !

 

I read this to hubby and said "it's almost like they know you, except for the beer part and alot more cussing".

 

Where are you sleeping tonite fannie?

 

Well, I don't think I have to tell every thing.

But I'm sickHubby shared the flu with me so I think we are even.

 

This fella obviously isn't schooled in oil changes! I do so many of them between my cars, my sister's truck, and my parents' trucks, I can do the whole shebang in 15 minutes!

 

I don't mind changing the oil on my old cars, but I remember the first time changing the oil on a new 1988 Dodge 4x4 pickup.
I remember carefully positioning drain pan, then removing the drain plug. The drain plug slipped through my fingers and fell conveniently into the drain pan. Unrestricted, the oil flowed freely from the drain directly onto the skid plate. The skid plate then delivered oil flow in all directions. Some oil had gone into the drain pan after lubricating my wrist watch and hand, so I didn't hesitate to start fumbling for the drain plug in the drain pan as oil poured onto the driveway from the far end of the skid plate and onto my neck, shirt and pants at the nearer end of the skid plate. By the time I had a good enough grip on the drain plug to try to return it to the hole, the flow had slowed enough to drain the last quart of oil into the drain pan. Now I just pay a shop to do the oil change on the newer vehicles.

 

Try it while drinking real beer, Canadian beer!


...Oh Sh**, forgot you work in a gun shop.sh**...

...OK, try and shoot me after dinking Canadian beer!

 

Canadian beer? Come on, now. I was born in Milwaukee. No city is better known for their beer than Milwaukee.

 

If you enjoy lite beer.............

Just elbow to the ribs ya CE........


But if ya want a real beer.....

 

As the jingle goes "I'm from Milwaukee and I oughta know, Blatz beer tastes great wherever you go."

If you ever end up in my neck of the woods, I'll treat you to a real beer